


The Coffin Of Your Embrace

by venom_for_free



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Domestic, Drama, Feels, Holidays, Hurt, M/M, Modern Era, One Shot, Post-Break Up, Post-Canon, Sad, Unhappy Ending, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:14:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28633089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/venom_for_free/pseuds/venom_for_free
Summary: There's a gentler version of events on my mind. A version where things are a little different between you and me. In those memories, you love me.And I know it's ridiculous. Because looking back, it wasn't like that at all. I'm not saying you didn't love me. I'm not saying you didn't care. I know you did, but you were a different person back then. And so was I.--or: Otayuri post break up. Yuri tries to figure out his feelings and how to continue with life as he reflects on the past.
Relationships: Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25
Collections: YOI Rare Pair Week 2021





	The Coffin Of Your Embrace

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Day 5 of Rare Pair Week,   
> today with my faves and the theme "Endings".
> 
> Please mind the tags.

There's a gentler version of events on my mind. A version where things are a little different between you and me. In those memories, you love me. 

And I know it's ridiculous. Because looking back, it wasn't like that at all. I'm not saying you didn't love me. I'm not saying you didn't care. I know you did, but you were a different person back then. And so was I. 

There's a gentler version in my mind. A version where you gifted me the things I always wanted and where we were free to have what our hearts needed. 

And I know that version ignores all the harsh edges. It ignores how we fought to get there. You never gave me anything I didn't ask for. Or maybe you did. Maybe I don't give you enough credit for the person you are when you aren't living in my head. 

Who even are you, really? How many years until you know someone, really know them? 

Some people get married after a few months. We never did, not after all those years. But we moved in with one another within one hundred and twenty days. You left your world behind to come to me. Or maybe it was just your city. I gave up all I had. But you helped me not to lose it, even when things changed. You were supposed to be my best friend.

When friends turn to lovers, things can go right. Or wrong. Sometimes they go very wrong, and it doesn't matter how easy the laughter is in between. The first time we fought was in another city. You’d recently moved and we traveled together and things should have been easy. 

It was a banquet and you flirted with a server. Maybe you were just being kind? You are a very kind person when you want to be. But when I stormed out and you followed, I learned you have another side. That night, more things shattered than the glass you tossed onto the sidewalk. 

You are good at saying sorry. So am I. We had to apologize a lot. And when I look back, I want to say things were easy and beautiful, but I'm lying to the both of us because they never were. When you and I became a ‘we’, a lot had to be rearranged around us. 

No one believes you need more time in the bathroom than I do. Until they come over and have to wait in the hallway, staring at the bathroom door, wondering how long it can take to get an undercut ready. Maybe, if you stopped texting in between. And then, when I rush in after you, you'll stand in front of the door and mutter about us being late. You jump onto the bike, gun the engine, pretend it's my fault when we all but scramble to get where we need to be. 

Maybe it is my fault. Maybe I should know better after so many years. Love means accommodating your partner. Or should you change? I don't know. We changed so much, I don't recognize us anymore. 

You will still wear leather jackets when you know there will be photos. I will still wear leopard print. It's what the people love, the hero and the fairy. For a while, I forgot what it feels like to wear my own hoodies at home. But then you got angry because you never had any clean hoodies yourself. Even though you're an oven. Even though you're always warm anyway. Now, our wardrobes are neatly separated. 

I wash your clothes. You fix the bike. I scoop Potya's shit and you go grocery shopping. We function. I like to pretend it's more. 

Well, I suppose getting up early is part of the job. We don't really see each other much, even when our rest days align. You box, I dance. We always moved differently. 

I used to think the differences between us would spice up our relationship. All the little quirks that you have, that I have. You used to point out my mess but would smile and clean it up. I would kiss you when you reminded me to wash out the sink after use. Now we roll our eyes at each other, whenever we think the other can't see. You fell out of love for the same reasons you fell in love in the first place, and that's a horrifying thought. 

Looking back, I want to pretend it's all a new thing. I want to say it gradually crept in on us, into our perfect love, into our wonderful and happy relationship. But that's a lie. We are both headstrong and we always fought. But we tend to gloss over the memories from the start because the media said it's a fairytale and I wanted to believe it. So bad. And so did you. 

You still have my nose, by the way. You stole it during our first months, pretended to eat it, and swallow it down, and whenever I tried to steal your nose, you would brag about having mine. It's a child's game. But it's a good memory. You stole other things, too. First kisses, first times. Or maybe you didn't steal them at all; I willingly gave you whatever I had, desperately trying to make it work. And you? You gave back what you could. People always say you seem emotionless, but I know you cry for Simba and scream when someone kills your avatar. I know you are still grieving Alan Rickman and I don't think you'll ever stop. 

Whenever I told you what I needed—once I got past the rage and the pressure of being overwhelmed—you would do whatever possible to make it work. I never doubted you loved me. But you and I are from different worlds, and our stars don't always align. 

If one is more successful than the other, things can get messy. We were always happy for one another. But maybe it's a bad idea to date an opponent. All my family talks about is skating and success. All your family talks about is politics. And as my jumps become more wobbly and my step sequences slower, I realize more and more you might have been right to focus on your education, too. My flame burned brighter than yours, and for a while, I didn't understand why you wouldn't throw yourself into things the same way I did. But now, I'm resting in my embers, and you, the ever-changing phoenix, keep growing. 

Maybe following my only passion wasn't the right choice. 

But it's not even like we gave up. We kept working on ‘us’ _. _ Individually and as a couple. If we had stopped trying, it wouldn't have taken eight years to fall apart. But maybe it would have been better to admit our failures early on. 

I'm still waking up next to you. I'm looking at your smile and I see you looking at mine. I'm still standing in front of the bathroom door and you still clean the sink when I forget to yet again. You're wearing your favorite hoodie that I used to steal when things were different. 

It's our first Christmas as roommates. Neither of us celebrate; you don't at all, I don't believe in Christmas in December. So we are sitting at the birthday table instead, my family surrounding us. Lilia asks about ‘grandchildren’, god damn. We smile.  _ Not yet _ . 

Yuri notices something is off, but anxiety shuts his mouth, and I'm grateful. I'm not ready to tell them yet. Your parents already know because you called them almost every day when things went dark. But you didn't tell your sister because you’re a coward and we both suspect she likes me more. 

Your embrace for the photo is like a coffin. The way your phone keeps going off is the nail. 

I wish being in love had been enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> I would say I'm sorry, but I don't like lying.   
> And if you made it that far, you probably came for the hurt, anyway.   
> Unlike with most of my pieces, there will not be a second fix-it chapter.  
> Please don't ask for one.
>
>> Thank you, as always, to my wonderful editor [Taedae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taedae/pseuds/Taedae), and to you as the reader.  
> I'm also on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/venom-for-free)[, Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/venom_for_free/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/venom_for_free)


End file.
